I have noticed a theme this week in my practice. People are wondering about the next steps in their relationships. I always feel relationships are such a priceless gift to have in our lives, whether they are with family, friends, or romantic relationships.
I think this is the place people most often stop listening to their intuition. We want to love people. We fear losing someone we care about, so we stay in bad romantic relationships and friendships. We do not set that much-needed boundary with a family member because we fear the pain of a broken heart if we follow our inner guidance.
How can you use your intuition to help you with relationships?
Relationships present facts. You want to look for both what someone is saying + the actions they are showing. You need both to make a decision. In relationships, you want to orient to who the person is, not who you hope they will be.
If you can bring the facts along with intuition, it can help you with knowing how to have that conversation, how to set boundaries, whether to stay, try again or leave.
Yesterday my friend was sharing with me how she is in an abusive relationship and is feeling scared to leave. My friend shared her partner promises her that he will change. My friend wants to give him another chance. My friend also does not want to hurt anymore and wonders if she should leave. How many of us have been there before?
I shared with my friend some tips to think about to help her know what the best answer for herself is.
If you have a relationship you are struggling with here are some questions you can ask yourself:
What is the cost and what are the benefits of staying in the relationship?
What is my past evidence? Has he, she, or they made promises in the past? How was their follow through? If someone agrees to change, you see change over time that is consistent. Yes, we all have bad days, but if I genuinely mean what I say, you will see my actions through my behavior.
Something else to consider you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Yes, you are responsible for how you handle yourself and your behavior, but it is OK if they feel sad because you need to do the right thing for your life.
You may be asking, how do I use my intuition to help me know how to move forward in my relationship with my partner, sibling, friend?
Gather the facts. Facts say so much. Write out what you know. It is essential to write it out. When it swirls in your head, it is easy for it to become a tornado inside your mind. When you write out the facts, it is easier to see what is happening.
When I talk with this person, how do they treat me? Do they listen and hear my concerns with kindness and patience? Do they scream and yell, or stonewall me?
Write out the cost and benefits of staying in the relationship or keeping the relationship the same. Are the benefits worth the costs? How does this chart help you with the next steps? Time for therapy?
Can you set boundaries, have a conversation, or share your feelings? Are you heard? Are your boundaries respected? A loving relationship respects your feelings and boundaries. It may not mean that person agrees with you. They don’t have too. When you love someone, you can disagree, and still, you respect them.
As you go through those four steps, what do you hear intuition telling you? Does it feel scary to listen to that voice, if so, why?
If you feel conflicted, what can you try? What is that you want to do before you decide on the next steps? Can you seek therapy to gain skills in conflict resolution, self-love, healthy boundary setting?
We are always making decisions, and the answer is not always black and white, but the inner voice inside you is trying to help you towards health and healing. Are you listening?